I’m Tired…

I’m tired of the constant battle.
I’m tired of the constant pain, mentally, spiritually, and physically.
Physically because I’m tired of the pain meds not working, tired of every joint in my body being on fire, tired of my legs deciding to quit working without warning, tired of things falling out of my hand because my fingers involuntarily open, tired of the days my head won’t raise off of the pillow.
Mentally because I’m tired of being told one thing by the Drs. And then the procedure is cancelled and I’m told something else, tired of waiting to be told…nothing, tired of my wife lying awake after I’ve had a bad day afraid to go to sleep because deep down she’s scared that if she does she’ll wake up and I’ll be gone…
Tired spiritually because of Christians that act like anything but Christians, tired of people who are so bitter about their own lives that they can’t stand for anyone to have joy, tired of those who brag about what they’re doing for God while they have no forgiveness…expecting to receive forgiveness, tired of those who think it’s fine to hurt others while they whine about the least little slight…real or imagined, tired of hypocrisy from those who refuse to live by the same standard they hold others to, tired of imperfect people expecting others to make no mistakes.
The worst thing about it is the only two meds I take that can provide a lethal overdose cause intolerable seizures, and I don’t want to go through, or put anyone through watching me, that kind of death. So, I guess I’m stuck in this world for now with jealous, wicked, unforgiving little babies that think it’s all about them…Oh Well….