Not Enough Time

A while back, I started a post with the words, “I have a confession to make…I’m dying.”  I’ve since deleted that post because it was the product of bitterness and hurt.  But little did I know just how prophetic those words would be.

On December 30, 2010, I went to an appointment at the Infectious Disease Clinic (IDC) at the Temple, Texas VA Center.  I had recently changed doctors due to a run-in with the one treating me for the last 2 ½ years.  My new Dr. in Waco saw me in November and asked me to go through some extra blood work.  Little did I know what she had seen in the records.  In fact, I didn’t know about the appointment with IDC until they called me about it.

You see, it seems the Dr. I had for the past 2 ½ years had been lying to me.  She told me at each appointment that my blood work hadn’t changed any…no better, no worse…when the truth was just the opposite.  The incident that caused me to change Dr.s was a strange one.  The Dr. began yelling at me and telling me I was not even sick…it was all in my mind.  Well, that’s when I walked out.

After the change, I found that she had blood work from the period that showed the disease was progressing…rapidly.  IDC told me that I was even past the threshold for treatment short of a transplant.  In short, I have a year, maybe two, to live if I don’t get a liver transplant.

I realize there are those out there that would like to see me go ahead and die…some of them even related to me.  You’ll excuse me if I refuse to meet your expectations.  I’ve already outlived a prognosis of death by the holidays in 2004, and being considered for Hospice in 2005.  I have plans to beat this one, too.

In the meantime, I don’t have any time to waste.  I intend to live life as fully as possible to the last second.  There are new relationships coming into my life where I’ve been advised to “take it slow, these things take time.”  Forgive me, but I don’t have that luxury.  If it’s going to take someone 6 months to a year to decide if there’s a relationship there, I don’t have the time to waste on you.  I’m not trying to be mean, nor rude.  I’d love to give you the time you need, but it just isn’t there.  Others in my life want to help me live, and be a part of my life now with no holding back.  The best division of my time is to give it to my wife first, and then, to these people.  My nephews, Cody and Jon, in Missouri want to spend as much time with Uncle Joe as they can get.  So does my son Brent and his wife.  Their boys, my grandkids, took PawPaw skating Saturday.  Yes, I busted my a— a few times (I have a large bruise to prove it) but, by God, I got out there and skated with them.

We bought Mary a used Kawasaki 454 LTD just before Xmas.  She plans to learn to ride and we’re going to burn up road on our motorcycles until I can’t hold one up.  I hope that time doesn’t come unless I’m recuperating from a transplant.  There are things we want to do, and we’re going to try our darndest to do them.

So, if you are in the group that wants my time now, and not later, then I’ll give you all I can….there might not be a later for the rest of you.  As to a transplant, that hinges on if a liver comes available AND if they consider me worth saving.  With the new health care laws and the fact that I’m dependent on VA, chances are good that I’ll be considered disposable, so don’t slow down if you see me…live with me…you’ll have to run to catch up…time is precious.